


the green weight of laurels

by Aslee



Series: shadowhunters' missing malec scenes [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, For Your Entertainment - Freeform, M/M, episode tag: s02e01 this guilty blood, more purple prose and fuckery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-16 00:59:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9266714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aslee/pseuds/Aslee
Summary: How does Magnus go from accepting Alec's apology to agreeing to to help track Jace?or:"When Alec apologized, Magnus could feel it in bones. Alec's apologies often felt more like questions-- No, that wasn't quite right, either. It was more like a plea, really. Like Alec was simply asking Magnus not to leave him behind."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title is another Oscar Wilde quote, this time from his poem _A Vision_ \-- "With no weight of green laurels around his head..." Technically, the poem is about how much it fucking sucks to not receive recognition for your work, but I thought that the idea of laurels and weight played nicely with "heavy is the head that wears the crown." 
> 
> Add that to the fact that Malec is _basically_ an Alexander the Great reference, and he was known for wearing a diadem, well...
> 
> I couldn't resist.

Alexander was a man who made it very hard to be angry at him, Magnus realized, and the thought had his stomach curling anxiously. 

As if the man hadn't been dangerous enough without that particular talent. 

Anger was important. Learning when it was okay to be angry had been a process that had taken Magnus lifetimes, but knowing was what had saved him from Camille. Anger was his shield and his sword-- No matter what the world could throw at him, their was nothing Magnus couldn't cut down with a bitter smile and a pointed barb. 

The problem was, it should have been so easy to be angry with Alec. It used to be. 

In a way, it still was. It certainly wasn't as if Alec's mistakes were any less frequent. In fact, it seemed even worse now that they were somehow "officially" romantically involved. Every cut seemed to sting a little more, and Alec's stubbornness seemed to reach even further. Sometimes, Magnus wanted to shake some sense into the man. 

But when Alec apologized-- a real apology, not a contrived, dutiful one like Magnus had received that morning --there was something sincere in it that Magnus couldn't ignore. There wasn't fear there, as Magnus had come to expect from those who generally earned his ire, or even the patronizing platitude some previous romantic partners had spared. 

When Alec apologized, Magnus could feel it in bones. Alec's apologies often felt more like questions-- No, that wasn't quite right, either. It was more like a plea, really. Like Alec was simply asking Magnus not to leave him behind. 

And then Alec would touch him in the simplest of ways, folding their hands together or interlocking their fingers, and any desire Magnus had to do just that melted away. 

So he gave forgiveness, as he had every time before, and Alec-- Well, if there was one thing you could say for Alexander Lightwood, it was that he learned from his mistakes with a devotion that was almost worrying. 

Perhaps it was for the best, Magnus thought, as he stared up at Alec's face, backlit by the soft glow of the lanterns inside. With all that was happening in the world right now, maybe it would be nice to have something that could just be... easy. 

It certainly felt easy, now. They both stared out at the skyline for a moment, carried by silence and instinct-- Their hands shifted, their grips tightened, until their hands were clasped with their palms flush. Between them was a gentle pocket of warmth, and they both leaned into it, shoulders brushing. In moments like this, being with Alec was the easiest thing in the world. 

But they couldn't live in this moment, and the world outside Magnus's loft didn't often let easy survive unscathed. Magnus grit his teeth, and asked the question he most didn't want the answer to. 

"Did you..." Magnus was careful with his words. He always was, but often Alec needed extra care. Magnus couldn't blame him; Growing up with Maryse Lightwood as a mother would no doubt have had even the most openhearted looking for a second meaning within every syllable. "... Have any luck with Jace?" 

Magnus could feel Alec stiffen, his grip on Magnus's hand tightening. Hazel eyes bounced from the view to Magnus and back again, so quickly Magnus almost couldn't track them in the hazy half-light. "We don't have to talk about this now," Alec said. It was that same voice, the one Magnus particularly detested-- Quick and low, as if he made the words as small as possible, no one would know what he was sacrificing. Magnus had no doubts that the trick had worked wonders before, and that was one thing he was entirely determined to put a stop to. 

"You know, the nice thing about forgiveness is that you get to stop punishing yourself." Magnus leaned further into Alec's space, absentmindedly relishing the warmth. "Just because you messed up once doesn't mean you have to stop letting me into that part of your life." 

"I don't--" Magnus watched in silence as Alec's eyebrows furrow. There was a pause as he got around whatever verbal block his brain had thrown up, and then he continued: "I didn't come here because I wanted to convince you to help us." 

Magnus blinked. "I didn't think you did." 

It was even more of a shock when Alec's muscles suddenly loosened, his shoulders dropping from where they had worked themselves up around his ears. "Okay. Good." Alec nodded to himself. "I don't... I don't want you around for your magic." 

"Darling," Magnus said, amusement starting to curl around his tongue. "If I thought that, you'd be getting my bill." 

Blessedly, that was all it took to bring Alec's smile back, and Magnus relished in the sound of a low chuckle rolling through the air between them. There was a brief moment where they took the time just to smile at each other, before Magnus reached out and, as firmly as he dared, rubbed the knuckles of his free hand across the rune marks on Alec's wrist. 

"You know why I didn't want to help you track Jace, right?" 

Alec's eyebrows shot up at the sudden swerve in conversation, and Magnus kept his posture as nonthreatening as possible. Still, his knuckles kept sliding back and forth, the only comfort he trusted himself to give. 

"I--" Alec winced. "Not really?" 

Magnus nodded. His gaze wandered as he tried to find the right words, but he could feel Alec's eyes still locked on him. Any other moment, that would have been gratifying, but... Letting down walls was never any easier, Magnus was quickly learning. 

After a few moments of silence, Magnus sighed and spoke. "It's no secret how painful parabatai tracking is, Alexander. And while you may be an adult, completely capable of making an educated decision, that doesn't mean I have to help you hurt yourself." He could feel Alec next to him, straining to protest, but the statement went unchallenged. "I would find it easier to say yes if you weren't so eager to throw yourself on the sword, darling. I know--" 

Alec's mouth flew open, and Magnus moved his free hand up to curl around Alec's jaw gently. "I know," Magnus stressed. "Protecting them has always been your job. But it cuts so deep to think of you putting yourself through that. And to put that much stress on your soul again? So soon after the last time Jace ran off?" 

A flush spread across Alec's face. "That was different. You know why I had to-- You _helped_ them with that." 

Magnus bit his lip. "That's why I'm going to help you now."

**Author's Note:**

> Me, when I was writing this: "What the FUCK is a sentence structure." 
> 
> Honestly, we're all lucky this is in the right tense. 
> 
> (For more, follow my writing blog on tumblr: nixcarraway)


End file.
